The Porsche Professionals Guild

malletA man walks into a repair shop. He has a 1968 Porsche 912 that will no longer reverse.

“Excuse me,” he says to the man at the counter, “I need help with my Porsche.”

“Of course! We here at Gentle Motors would love to help you. We offer friendly force free repairs for all Porsche automobiles.”

The man seems a little confused at this response, but continues. “My car will no longer reverse. I’ve put up with it for a while, but it’s a real problem n–”

“We can certainly fix that sir! My car did the same thing! I’m confident I can fix that without scratching your paint.” The mechanic beams back at the car owner.

“Without scratching my paint? That’s great, it hadn’t really occurred to me that you might. I really like this car a lot. I had always dreamed of owning a classic Porsche. What qualifications do you have to work on them?” The car owner seems a little more confused.

“Well sir, I am a proud member of the Porsche Professionals Guild. The Guild holds us to the highest ethical standards! I am sworn to fix Porsches without damaging paint, carpet, or upholstery, and we never, ever, use steel mallets or sawzalls.”

“That’s great to hear. But have you worked on a 912 before? Have you taken any training with Porsche? I’d like to be sure that my car is fixed correctly and that I won’t have any more troubles. Transmission problems can be danger–”

The mechanic pulls a large mallet from his desk. “Did you know the guy down the street uses one of these?!? It’s unbelievable. I don’t even think all of his clients know! Back in the day we used hit transmissions with these, just to see if it might knock the synchros back into place. But not anymore.”

The man looks at the mallet, flummoxed.

Suddenly the mechanic looks afraid. He jams the mallet back into the drawer and slams it shut. “Please don’t tell anyone you saw that. If the guys find out I even have one they’ll be ethics charges.”

“This has been fascinating, but I really just need some sort of reassurance that you are qualified to fix my car.”

“Of course I am! I even own a 912 myself.” The mechanic points to a beautiful red 912 parked in the back, its front wheels on small ramps and a stone wedged against the back tire.

“What are the ramps for?”

“Sometimes it needs help getting started in reverse. I don’t trust the guy down the street to fix it, so I am managing the situation until I finish an online class on transmissions. It’s called BAT: Bushing Adjusted Transmissions.”

The man leaves. His car was fixed a few days later across town. His carpets looked a little cleaner when he got it back, and the car was also waxed beautifully. He never had transmission issues again.

 

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