Chaos Muppets Take Washington

Aug 01, 2017

Back in 2012, when the prospect of a hedge fund manager as President and Paul Ryan as his Vice-President seemed frightening, Dahlia Lithwick wrote about Muppet Chaos Theory and the Supreme Court.

This link periodically makes the Facebook and Twitter rounds, even now, five years later. The Muppets are fun and funny (even with the ugly bit of behind-the-scenes drama we were recently treated to) and its fun to try to determine what kind of Muppet our friends and we are.

Dahlia sprinkled her article with references to different Supreme Court justices and whether or not they are Chaos or Order types. Why not our illustrious White House staff?

Obviously, 45 is a Chaos Muppet. The less said about him, the better.

It seems to me that Sean Spicer was a Chaos Muppet too, considering his many sad/funny misstatements and outbursts, many of which would fit perfectly in a dark comedy. His replacement, however, with her ability to calmly spout one falsehood after another, is clearly a disciple of Order.

Her new ex-boss? He established his Chaos cred with his famous call to Ryan Lizza.

Steve Bannon is a member of the Chaos camp, even if he doesn’t do that biologically impossible thing that Scaramucci says he does and that everyone seems to believe he would try.

Reince Priebus seemed to be an overwhelmed Order Muppet, kind of like Scooter in the middle of every episode of the classic Muppett Show, but without the gravitas. His replacement, General John Kelly is, well, a General. He has to be an Order Muppet. Think Sam the Eagle if Sam was an ignorant, xenophobic, racist, whack job that was dumb enough to believe 45’s crime and immigration numbers.

Jeff Sessions is a house elf. I realize that house elves aren’t Muppets or even Disney characters, but seriously; tell me you don’t picture this every time 45 criticizes the poor guy.

Or maybe it’s just me.

Kellyanne Conway and Stephen Miller are two more Chaos Muppets. They’re the Muppets that came up during writer’s sessions for Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas or Muppet Treasure Island but were immediately struck down because they would terrify the kids.

What do we make of all this? I have no idea. I can only hope it just doesn’t end like this.

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